Michelle Obama is very upset.
Yes, Jay-Z and Beyonce’s best friend was outraged in New Hampshire at Donald Trump. “Shaken to the core” was the phrase she used to describe her indignation with The Donald. Michelle was upset because Trump said that when you’re rich and famous, women will let you do whatever you want with them. There is a term for these women. Starf*ckers. Mick Jagger even wrote a song about them way back in 1973. Guess what it’s called? “Starf*cker.” The clean version is entitled “Star Star.” I don’t know how you get a clean version out of this chorus:
Yeah! You’re a star f*cker, star f*cker
Star f*cker, star f*cker, star
Yeah, a star f*cker, star f*cker
Star f*cker, star f*cker, star
A star f*cker, star f*cker
Star f*cker, star f*cker star, yes you are
A star f*cker, star f*cker
Star f*cker, star f*cker star
Apparently, nobody has told Michelle Obama about starf*ckers. You would think her buddy Jay-Z would have clued her in. When Solange Knowles kicked the crap out of Jay-Z in an elevator, I believe it had something to do with his association with star*fuckers. In fact, Beyonce’s hit song “Lemonade” was about Jay-Z’s penchant for hanging out with starf*ckers. It wasn’t about a fruity beverage you drink in the summertime.
Donald Trump was talking about women who like to have sex with rich, famous and/or powerful men. Starf*ckers. Something that has existed at least since 1973. He was entertaining some guys on a bus, bragging about how easy it is to engage with these women. But according to the left and Michelle Obama, Trump was describing sexual assault. Nothing that Bill Clinton has done, mind you. Orgasming in the mouth and on the blue dress of a naive, gullible, 22-year-old starf*cking intern wasn’t sexual assault. No, no, no. That’s just innocent play between consenting adults. It’s a private matter. Come on, it was just a blowjob, people. Right, Bill Maher?
Pulling your pants down and telling Paula Jones to kiss it when you’re the governor of Arkansas isn’t sexual assault, either. Like I’ve said before, forget Juanita Broaddrick and Kathleen Willey for a moment. The Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones incidents weren’t “alleged.” They happened. President Bill Clinton lied and was impeached for one incident and paid a settlement of almost a million dollars for the other. This is a lot different than putting on a show for some guys on a bus and talking about starf*ckers.
Donald Trump wasn’t talking on a bugged phone with his sugar baby saying he didn’t want her to bring black guys she was starf*ucking to Clippers games. That was a different Donald. That was Donald Sterling. Donald Trump knew he was mic’d, and was playing the part of the billionaire braggadocio, something nobody had a problem with, including NBC, Celebrity Apprentice creator Mark Burnett and the producers of the bawdy reality show about a… billionaire braggadocio.
Hell, nobody had a problem with it when he decided to run for president. Despite everyone at NBC knowing about all these things the billionaire braggadocio Donald Trump said on a bus eleven years ago and on the set of Celebrity Apprentice, nobody made a big deal about. It wasn’t considered a description of sexual assault until Hillary Clinton got in email trouble, courtesy of her chatty campaign chairman John Podesta and Wikileaks. Or the Russians.
A billionaire braggadocio on a bus eleven years ago is a far cry from a U.S. president using a young woman as a human ashtray. Yet, Bill Clinton doesn’t offend Michelle Obama. He doesn’t shake her to the core. Donald Trump does. With his words.
The left will be quick to shoot back with, “Well, Bill Clinton isn’t running for president. Donald Trump is. So there.”
Au contraire, my delusional liberal alternate universe dwellers. Bill Clinton IS running for president. Let me explain how. I’ll go slow so you can keep up.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. Can we all agree on that? OK. When she was First Lady, she was involved in a lot of different projects that she likes to brag about, since she has no other accomplishments to tout, despite having spent over 30 years in politics. One of these was working with members of Congress to make sure children had healthcare insurance. Right?
According to Hillary and Michelle, a First Lady has and will continue to have influence on the president. A First Lady like Michelle Obama will create programs so kids don’t eat crappy food and because great big fat persons. Liberals who have been fawning and swooning over Michelle’s speech would agree that the words and actions of a First Lady are important, right? When the First lady speaks, people listen, right? When the First Lady wants to champion a cause and use her influence to create policy, that can happen, right?
Well, if Hillary Clinton wins, the roles are reversed. Right? So that would create what Bill Clinton himself has joked about – the First Man. Right? So in turn, Bill would have the same role that Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton had. Right? First Man Bill Clinton will have influence on policy, just like First Ladies Michelle and Hillary did, and as Hillary herself has said, Bill will advise her on economic matters, since the economy was so robust during his presidency.
That is how Bill Clinton is actually running for president and why his past behavior matters. Michelle Obama is shaken to the core by Donald Trump’s language, and here she is campaigning for a woman whose husband does a lot more than just talk about sexual assault and being a predator. Bill Clinton actually is a sexual assaulter and predator. Not “allegedly.” IS.
Think about how Bill Clinton’s behavior affected our standing in the world. The most powerful man on Earth couldn’t control himself enough to keep his urges away from his extremely prestigious and important position. He saw a 22-year-old intern and thought, “I’d like to stick a cigar up her vagina and splooge in her mouth and on her dress while talking on the phone in the Oval Office with world leaders.” If Hillary Clinton becomes president, that man will be back in the White House, governing right alongside his wife.
Bill Clinton is on the ticket, and it shakes me to the core. No matter how many AIDS babies in Africa the Clinton Foundation helps, it doesn’t erase what he did. When Hillary Clinton created Hillarycare so kids could be insured, that’s what Bill will be doing. Remember when Hillary flew into Bosnia under sniper fire? That’s what Bill Clinton will be doing.
Book after book will be written and person after person will go on CNN and talk about all the horrible things Donald Trump did or said in his past, and CNN and the rest of the liberal press will eat it up. But anything about Bill or Hillary Clinton gets ignored. A former Secret Service agent named Gary Byrne wrote a book about walking in on President Bill Clinton engaged in sexual activity with Walter Mondale’s daughter Eleanor, and it got no play whatsoever. The book is called Crisis of Character: A White House Secret Service Officer Discloses His Firsthand Experience With Hillary, Bill, and How They Operate.
I’ll bet this is the first time a lot of you low information CNN viewers have heard about this book, am I right? But it’s real. Not alleged. You can purchase it right now.
Michelle Obama is outraged that Donald Trump talked about starf*ckers. Just like Jay-Z does, just like Wiz Khalifa does, just like Eminem, Justin Bieber and Kanye West do. If Justin Bieber had 50 starf*ckers backstage and asked which one of them would let him defecate on them, all 50 would raise their hands. Jay-Z says he has 99 Problems, But a Bitch Ain’t One. Michelle’s buddy is describing starf*ckers. When Kanye West raps about a Gold Digger, saying “she ain’t messing with no broke niggas,” he’s talking about starf*ckers. But Michelle Obama’s good friend Hillary Clinton has no problem taking selfies with Kanye and his starf*cker wife Kim Kardashian.
Michelle Obama complaining about Donald Trump’s words is ludicrous. It just makes her look stupid. I mean, I understand you gotta do what you gotta do to get a fellow Democrat elected, but come on. I know the word hypocrisy gets thrown around a lot, but look at what has happened in popular culture since Michelle’s husband has been in office, from Jay-Z to Macklemore to Olympic hero Hope Solo. It’s like when you hear Ray Lewis lecturing black people about civility during the Baltimore riots, then you remember that he was involved in a murder cover-up. Didn’t Jay-Z initially finance his empire by slinging dope? Wasn’t he involved in a shooting incident with his older brother when he was 12? Didn’t Macklemore talk about George W. Bush bringing down the World Trade Center? Wasn’t Hope Solo involved in an incident where she beat the crap out of her family members, and haven’t we all seen the crystal clear pics of Hope Solo’s butthole?
These are people that the Obamas hang out with and will invite to the White House. And Michelle Obama has the audacity to say she worries about what effect Donald Trump’s words will have on our children? N-word please…
LeBron James say guys don’t talk about such things in the locker room like Donald Trump says they do. King James says it’s just trash talk. I guess LeBron is too young to remember when athletes would come out of the shower and wave their junk around to embarrass female reporters when they were finally allowed into men’s locker rooms. I wonder what LeBron and the guys talk about in the locker room now. Do they trade stock tips? Quote bible verses to one another? What? I’d really like to know.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with over 10,000 women. Magic Johnson says he didn’t use intravenous drugs or sleep with dudes, yet he still contracted HIV by having unprotected sex with numerous starf*ckers. Do you know how hard it is to transmit HIV from a woman to a man? It’s not impossible, but it’s highly improbable. Scientific evidence and statistics will back me up on this. You gotta roll the dice a whole lotta times to have your HIV number come up. These three men are/were all considered sports heroes and role models to kids. But Donald Trump uses language that no man uses, according to Jake “Hack” Tapper, and his words and actions shook Michelle Obama to the core.
Have you seen the video that is circulating around that shows Michelle’s husband on an airplane proudly displaying the hardon he has in his pants to female reporters who giggle at him? I wonder if Obama waving his stiffy around like a frat boy shook Michelle to the core? Does it shake Michelle Obama to the core when she hears about Al Gore dropping his towel “accidentally” in front of a female masseuse and proudly displaying his erection? “Ooopsie! I’m sorry. Let me slooowly put this towel back over my engorged member.” Does that shake Michelle to the core?
Michelle Obama is not shaken to the core by any of this. She’s not a dummy. I know she plays like a dummy, because that’s what you do when you’re a liberal. She pretends to be shocked and worried about the effect Donald Trump’s words will have on children, but Bill Clinton is no problem, neither is the culture her husband has created or the people they invite to the White House.
It is what it is, I guess. It is what will continue to be if her good friend Hillary Clinton becomes president.
Party on, Michelle. Keep it shakin’ baby.
From 10-13-16 episode of The Rob Zicari Show LIVE 7-10pm M-F