Bill Kristol Gives French To GOP

From 6-1-16 episode of The Rob Zicari Show LIVE 10-1pm M-F

This has to be a joke.

Bill Kristol’s impressive, highly experienced, well-funded third party candidate has been revealed. Kristol will make the official announcement today.

Since the name of Bill’s party is The Latter-Day Republicans, my money was on Mitt Romney. No one else in politics would take the job.Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, etc. all said no. They would be handing the keys to the White House to Hillary Clinton and would become GOP outcasts. So I concluded that it was Romney. I thought it was in the bag.

Word came down Tuesday night that the candidate was bigger then Romney. Bigger than Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio. We’re talking big.

How big?

David French.


Who the hell is David French? I’ve never heard of him. Turns out Dave French is a staff writer for the National Review.


It’s gotta be a joke. It has to be a swerve. In wrestling parlance, a swerve is when you lull the crowd into believing a certain outcome, and then you swerve and give the audience something completely different than what they were expecting. That’s it. I’m calling it a swerve.

Bill Kristol leaked the info about David French so that we would all talk about it and pontificate, then at the press conference Mitt Romney comes out from behind the curtain. “Ha ha ha! I swerved ya!” It’s a swerve or it’s a joke. Bill Kristol is going to come out and say he was just kidding. He wanted to get Donald Trump riled so he would tweet about it. That’s it. Kristol just wanted to go on Twitter and get a rise out of Trump.

It’s gotta be one or the another. I can’t believe that Bill Kristol actually thinks David French is the one who is going to ride in and save the party. There’s no way. The only people who know who David French is are the ones who read the National Review, of which aren’t that many anymore. I think more people read Hustler or Playboy than read the National Review. Only the most hardcore neoconservative knows who the hell David French is. Bill Kristol’s super deadly secret weapon is David French. Really?

Did you ever see the movie Dave? It stars Kevin Kline as a president who has a stroke whilst banging a staffer. He’s in a coma, so they get a look-alike to come to the White House and pretend to be the president. A similar theme was portrayed in the film Moon Over Parador with Richard Dreyfuss.


In Dave, the Chief of Staff, played by Frank Langella, sets the whole thing up. The plan is to get the look-alike to impersonate the president long enough for them to manufacture evidence to indict the vice president so he steps down. The fake president then nominates the Chief of Staff to be his vice president. Then President Dave pretends to have a stroke and is replaced by the real president, who then dies and the evil former Chief of Staff, who is now vice president, ascends to the presidency.

Dave is similar to this. You have the armchair quarterback Bill Kristol having some flunky writer from another magazine run for president. In Kristol’s delusional mind, all the Republicans will get behind Dave French and he’ll become the president. French will nominate Bill Kristol as his vice president. Then David French will have an accident, or maybe he will just resign. Dave French vanishes to a land far away and Bill Kristol becomes Mr. President.


I know it’s a kooky plan, but it’s no more crazy than Kristol thinking David French is a viable candidate.

I have a question. If Bill Kristol is so knowledgeable and juiced in, why doesn’t he just become the third party candidate? If Bill Kristol is the embodiment of what a true conservative is, then why doesn’t he run as the nominee for The Latter-Day Republicans? As a matter of fact, why don’t all the geniuses like Charles Krauthammer and Karl Rove throw their hats in the ring? Maybe they have weird stuff in their backgrounds. Maybe there are illicit affairs with transsexual midgets in their pasts. Who knows?

We’ll find out today whether David French will be Bill Kristol’s white knight nominee or if it was all just a big swerve. Think about all the hype he’s built up, Trump tweeting about it. Then Kristol unveils David French.

And you wonder why the Republican Party is in trouble? You wonder why Trump took it over? Why have the voters lost confidence? Because the G.O.P. is D.U.M.B.

Trump 2016


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